Funny Sayings

* Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. * If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." * Mom used to get offended when I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. * Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won’t bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition. * If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. * Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger." * "Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it." * When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. * As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!! * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll * squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comesout?"