1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you
think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While hes in the house, go find his
sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that youve
gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While
hes in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what
happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living
room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that
big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa"

7. Leave a note by the
telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some
milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the
chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that youre sorry, but from a
distance, he looked like a bear.

9. While hes in the house, find the sleigh and
sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldnt have missed that
last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of
milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half
a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For
Santa"

11. Take everything out of your house as if its just been robbed. When
Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to
the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with
last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While hes in the house, cover the top of
the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out
where Santas sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And hes got a red
nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that youve moved.
Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16.
Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

17. Paint "hoof-prints" all
over your face and clothes. While hes in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back
up, act like youve been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

18. Instead of ornaments,
decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come
and then say, "This neighborhood aint big enough for the both of
us."